Oh it can be painful and it can be harsh. It can feel like dancing in the dark. The process will rip you apart a million times. Leaving only the truest parts of you shredded on the floor, left there to be pieced back together. But you won’t get it right the first time or the second. And probably not the third or fourth. No, it will take many attempts, an unpredictable swaying of trial and error, before you figure out which pieces of your puzzle fit where.
There’s a reason so few of us ever truly look in the mirror; because you would finally see what you can’t unsee. All the layers and masks you’ve been taught to wear. All the parts that were never really you. The facade, the pomp and circumstance. The face they all know and expect. And then you’d have to do something about it.
And a deep part of you fears that the process of letting your soul fully breathe may just about kill you...
But once you catch a glimpse of the illusion, you won’t be free until you dismantle it. You won’t be able to breathe deeply until you tear the “good girl” from your throat.
No, the seeking of Self is not for the faint of heart. It is a process that demands discomfort and courage. It is learning to stand up straighter when they can’t or won’t understand you. Learning to speak firmly when they disapprove. Tearing apart your life, burning the known to the ground, only to rebuild and burn it all down again.
Sacrificing the versions of you that never actually were, over and over again, in the hopes of catching even the smallest glimpse of truth. And once you get a taste of that truth, your truth, you’ll want to scream and rage when anyone or anything tries to pry it from your bruised, white-knuckled fingers.
They say the good things never come easy. But it will feel like the pursuit of liberation, true liberation, soul liberation, will take every grain of grit and resilience you didn’t know you had. You’ll wonder if you’ll ever come out the other side. And will it even be worth it? You want the truth? I haven’t found it yet. Not fully...
But the glimpses of it, the shimmer of its maddening, erotic flavor on my tongue, the promise of a life so rich and deep and juicy and wild, that’s what keeps me going.
That’s why I’m devoted to this path of Self recovery and creative revolution of becoming.
Because once the possibility of a life so radically undone and free and y o u is felt, even just for a moment,
Once the remembrance of what you truly are is just barely awakened in your bones,
There’s no denying it.
There’s no going back.
Even if you wanted to.